someone get that fucking seahorse.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He shit in the fireplace
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