Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
