If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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