Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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