i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
