Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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