handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
