STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
