I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
