You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
