My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
