apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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