She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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