Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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