I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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