I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
