The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
