so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
