I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she woke up with a sticky ear
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
