you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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