I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's get the cat blown out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
