Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
