so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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