We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
