my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
