Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
