i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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