Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
