Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
