hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
