I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
