my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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