In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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