Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
