Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
