Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
