They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
