hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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