Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
