Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
