I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
