I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
