oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
