He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
