i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
