Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
did you just send me my own nude
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
