What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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