Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
