he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
