Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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