my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
