i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
