i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
