forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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