So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
